HOORAY!!!! THEN... BOOOOO!!!!!

THIS IS THE HOORAY BIT!.....

She went to the show!


Her Dad actually turned up and took her!

She came back with candy floss (cotton candy) two crowns with Micky Mouse ears (they came with the candy floss, she got TWO big bags full), she had a flashing wand and the biggest, loveliest smile I have seen in a long time! She then proceeded to tell me and Lil'Sis all about it.
I haven't seen her that excited since we went to Disneyworld, Florida.
All the characters from all the films she had seen were there and it sounded like it was quite a spectacular.

She was still talking about it (and still grinning!) the next morning.

*****************************************************************************
THIS IS THE BOOOOO BIT!!!!!!!.........

Unfortunately, he reverted back to his normal self within days and was back to letting her down.
She had a small part in her school Assembly play and had asked her Dad to go see her.
He refused because I was going! I text him saying he should be there for his Daughter and that she wanted him there. He texted back that he didn't want to be in the same room as me! I replied that the school hall was large enough for him to sit as far away from me as he liked and I couldn't understand why he hates me so much.
I had hoped we could stay friends, had told him when I left that I still loved him but just couldn't live with him due to the way he was treating us both.
I don't make things awkward, I don't ask for money, I let him see her whenever and as often as he likes, and he has got the house! So I can't understand why he is being hostile towards me????

He said, when I left, "Don't go turning her against me!"
Well. sweetie, I don't have to say a word, you are doing that all by yourself!

Anyway. I just hope he starts being honest with her and turning up when he says he will, it is not her fault we split and she shouldn't have to suffer for it! Hope he gets to read this blog sometime and it actually sinks in what he is doing to her because no amount explaining by me helps, seems I'm just a NAG!

He had one hell of a go at me the other week, he rang Little'Un on her mobile (cell) then asked to talk to me, he then proceeded to scream down the phone his usual comment of "GET A BLOODY JOB". And how he wouldn't be in all this debt if it wasn't for me and that I have shirked and ignored my responsibilities by not going to the house every day to walk Max and feed him!!! (I don't have any keys, he took them back!!!!)

He had almost cried when we split (not because I was leaving, but because of Max) he begged me to leave Max with him because he loved him so much, so that's what I did!

Don't think he realised the amount of work involved with looking after a dog. He was only used to coming home from work, patting Max on the head and then going to the pub! Now, he has to walk him, feed him, play with him and put up with the destruction in the house when he is left on his own. (Sorry sweetie, that's how you wanted it, you got your house and you got your dog!!!!)

One of his other Daughters has recently taken him to the Small Claims Court over a loan of £500 she gave him about two or three years ago of which he had promised almost every week to pay her back but she hasn't received a penny! My Mother should do the same! He has owed her £1200 for two years now and has promised her repayment over and over again! HA! NOT A SINGLE PENNY!!

The other day I was bloody livid. He wanted Little'Un to stop over at his as he had a couple of days off work, I'd said OK and she happily skipped off with him. Later that evening there was a knock on my door and there they both stood. He said she just wanted to come home then he left.
Once inside Little'Un burst into tears and told me what had happened....
Seems his girlfriend was there, (Little'Un has met her before and likes her) but this time the girlfriend wanted him all to herself and told Little'Un to go and sit in the bedroom while they 'talked'. Little'Un said she sat for ages on her own just staring out the window until she eventually went back downstairs and asked to be brought home. I rang him the next day saying that that was Little'Uns time with him and that his girlfriend had no right to tell her to go sit in the bedroom on her own, neither should he have allowed it!!!
I told him he can do what he likes with whoever he likes wheresoever and whenever he likes, but not on the times he is supposed to spend with Little'Un!
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
THAT'S HER TIME!!
ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

Phew, I feel better for that.
Sorry, but I needed to scream, good job there is no sound on this post!

Any absent Dads out there, please take note.......
Put your kids first no matter what you think of their Mother. They are the innocents!

That's all for now.

Luv Azzy.
XXX

HARD TIMES

Hi there everyone, apologies for long gap in posts.

Been busy looking for somewhere to live, it's hard, there are plenty of flats/apartments/houses available but I am having difficulties finding somewhere as not many places want a DSS tenant on permanent sick (DSS = Department of Social Services) even though my benefits from the DSS would cover the cost of the rent. Seems DSS people have a bad reputation here in the UK and even more so if you are a single Mum! Never realised before how hard it is until now!

We have been placed on the Council housing list but only on 'Standard rate'
I could get somewhere quicker if I accepted moving to a homeless hostel in a real bad area which is miles away from where we are now and Little'Uns school, plus we have no transport so I said 'no thanks'. That means we were placed on 'Standard' and it could take up to five years for them to find us somewhere. It took them three years to house Li'l Sis' and all she wanted was a little one bedroomed flat, so in the meantime, I am looking for private rented properties but have a limit to how much the rent can be.

The atmosphere at home at the moment is not nasty but not very pleasant either, actually not much has changed since I told him I was leaving, I'm still invisible and he still talks to the dog more than me.
He disappears to the pub or his meetings, I never know where he is or what time he will be back, whether to cook a meal or not, a couple of times when I have and I have told him it will be ready when he returns, he has actually come home with a takeaway or come home first, said he didn't fancy what I had cooked, then gone back out for a takeaway!
He is off work at the moment with 'depression', so I am trying to keep out of the house as much as possible so we don't start rowing, he mainly stays in bed but when he does come down, it feels kind of awkward.


I am still struggling with money trying to find Little'Uns lunch money or buy her things. He doesn't help! The other week (on a Friday) I asked if he could pay for her lunch money for the following week as I had no money, he said OK, I asked for it on the Saturday and he said he would go to the ATM Sunday, I texted him while he was out on Sunday to remind him and he said OK, when he got home that evening I asked had he got it for me and he said "No, I will give it you tomorrow" Monday morning came and I asked for her lunch money for the week but he only gave me £5 ($2.50) he eventually gave me the balance on the Wednesday after a lot more asking or as he puts it 'nagging'!

She needs a new school jumper, the sleeves on the two she has are so short they look like she has them rolled up to her elbows because she is growing so fast, she could do with a decent pair of winter boots too, she is wearing an old pair of mine (two sizes too big but with thick socks they will do) at the moment.
I missed a decent pair at the local 'Age Concern' charity shop last week because my child benefit went into the wrong account and got swallowed up by the overdraft so I was stuck for money, I tried to request it back as it was CHILD benefit, but the bank said "no chance" so now I am down by £78 (approx $37) and I receive nothing until a week this coming Wednesday.

I know, I know, winge, winge, moan, moan! But I'm just sick to death of it all. I wouldn't be in such a mess with the bank if I hadn't agreed to have his wages paid into my account and for me to pay the bills and sort the budget for us.
Which, would have, or should have, been a good thing as I am very, very good at budgeting but unfortnately he then started demanding my cash card as his wages were going in and he needed money to get to work etc. but he would always draw out more than he put in so I then couldn't budget, things stopped being paid on time and I started to struggle, there was not much left of my benefit and eventually the overdraft was horrendous and the rows started really bad. Then... surprise...surprise... his firm kept 'accidentally' paying his wages into his savings account each month instead of my account and I couldn't pay anything at all!!!!!!
The bank charges got worse and worse, he kept telling me he would clear it all up and pay me back and now I'm in severe debt too!

Mum wrote him a nice letter requesting the £1200 he borrowed about a year ago and he wrote a nice letter back promising to start paying her back in instalments starting two weeks ago, guess what?..... he hasn't paid her a penny!!!!


Oh well, guess it serves us right for being so bloody stupid!!!

I'll try and post again soon.

Hope you are all having a better time than we are.

Love Azzy.
XX

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Not been able to get on here due to no phone/broadband connection, I have to wait until Neeza leaves his laptop hanging about. He is in the pub at the mo, you know, his second home. (Actually it's his first! This is his second, he only comes back here to eat and sleep).

Sandi, Thanks for your concern. Me and Little'Un will be just fine, I think it will be for the best for everyone. Max is stopping here as Neeza has begged me not to take him.
Well, he had better look after him and take him for his walks!

Neeza finally realised it was Christmas on Christmas Eve and gave me £50 (approx $25) to buy presents (I had told him weeks ago that my bank had put a stop on my card due to his borrowing and never paying back I haven't been able to draw out more than £10 (approx $5) per week in the run up to Christmas and that went on essentials and Little'Uns school lunch money. Not even been able to send out any greetings cards this year)
Anyway, the present Little'Un picked was 'two for the price of one' Nintendo games for her DS, but as it was Christmas Eve, they had all sold out! She did manage to buy a game though but just the one due to it being full price, the remainder of the money (not very much, those games are expensive!), she and I both agreed would be kept for necessities as we doubted we would be getting any more off him. (We were right!).

He then went on to spoil Boxing Day by ringing me, it started off OK with him telling me he missed us but it soon turned into him accusing me of having an affair and shouting at me to be honest, tell the truth and admit it!
He has been asking me on and off for the whole twelve years we have been married, he has even quizzed Little'Un on many occasion, asking her what Mummys boyfriend is called!
Guess he didn't believe we were at Grandma's for Christmas either!
I ended up crying and Little'Un cried because Dad had made Mum cry.

We ended up having a FANTASTIC Christmas though, read on.......

We stayed over at Lil'Sis flat Christmas Eve, then at Grandmas for Christmas, back to Lil'Sis for Boxing Day, Grandmas for Saturday then HAD to go home Sunday. We had a fantastic time over Christmas, I made a great big Christmas dinner for everyone (bought for by Grandma and shopped for by Lil'Sis) and of course, we all ate too much. Lil'Sis did a lovely buffet for everyone at hers the following day and on the Saturday Big Bruv and Sis'in'Law called with boxes of food and presents and Sis'in'Law did all the cooking, a lovely steak in gravy meal with loads of wine and lots of goodies to follow YUM!.

But the very bestest, bestest of all was what me and Little'Un got from Sis'in'Law and Big Bruv -
Dan....dan......darrrrrrr........

WE GOT A Wii !!!!!

Little'Un had been asking can we save for one and I had promised I would try my hardest but she knew there would been no chance this year or even next so she was over the moon, over the stars, over everything, whooping, giggling, kissing, grinning from ear to ear, etc., etc., and has been the same ever since.
I couldn't believe what we had got and burst into tears as soon as I opened the wrapping.

Sis'in'Law and Big Bruv....... THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!
You have made one little girl and her Mum very, very happy at this not very nice time.

I hope everyone has had a fantastic Christmas too and wish you all....
A Happy, Healthy and Prosperous 2009.

Loads of Love
Azzy
XXX

I'M GOING!!!

Sorry not kept up with my blog, had phone cut off again, it still is but I'm using his laptop while he is out.

I'M LEAVING HIM!!!!!!

Been to our local council offices to try to sort out rented accomodation for me and Little'Un, just waiting to see if they can help with a deposit/bond then I can look for a flat or a little house for us. It's going to be very hard as I am in dire straits at the bank and only receive incapacity and child care benefits but we will get by, it can't be any worse then stopping here.

Little'Un has been quite poorly recently, I'm not sure if it is a tummy bug or if it has anything to do with the situation between me and her Dad. This past weekend she did a lot of crying and asked could we please leave as soon as possible. She has asked to still be able to visit her Dad and I have said of course she can.

Well folks, hopefully I will be able to keep up with my blog from the library or I might even ask if I can take the computer seeing as he has his laptop.

Me and Little'Un are going to Grandma's for Christmas Dinner as I can't afford to buy turkey and all the trimmings this year and even if I could, the cooker broke about ten months ago!

Will blog again when I can.

Love Azzy and Little'Un
XXX