HARD TIMES

Hi there everyone, apologies for long gap in posts.

Been busy looking for somewhere to live, it's hard, there are plenty of flats/apartments/houses available but I am having difficulties finding somewhere as not many places want a DSS tenant on permanent sick (DSS = Department of Social Services) even though my benefits from the DSS would cover the cost of the rent. Seems DSS people have a bad reputation here in the UK and even more so if you are a single Mum! Never realised before how hard it is until now!

We have been placed on the Council housing list but only on 'Standard rate'
I could get somewhere quicker if I accepted moving to a homeless hostel in a real bad area which is miles away from where we are now and Little'Uns school, plus we have no transport so I said 'no thanks'. That means we were placed on 'Standard' and it could take up to five years for them to find us somewhere. It took them three years to house Li'l Sis' and all she wanted was a little one bedroomed flat, so in the meantime, I am looking for private rented properties but have a limit to how much the rent can be.

The atmosphere at home at the moment is not nasty but not very pleasant either, actually not much has changed since I told him I was leaving, I'm still invisible and he still talks to the dog more than me.
He disappears to the pub or his meetings, I never know where he is or what time he will be back, whether to cook a meal or not, a couple of times when I have and I have told him it will be ready when he returns, he has actually come home with a takeaway or come home first, said he didn't fancy what I had cooked, then gone back out for a takeaway!
He is off work at the moment with 'depression', so I am trying to keep out of the house as much as possible so we don't start rowing, he mainly stays in bed but when he does come down, it feels kind of awkward.


I am still struggling with money trying to find Little'Uns lunch money or buy her things. He doesn't help! The other week (on a Friday) I asked if he could pay for her lunch money for the following week as I had no money, he said OK, I asked for it on the Saturday and he said he would go to the ATM Sunday, I texted him while he was out on Sunday to remind him and he said OK, when he got home that evening I asked had he got it for me and he said "No, I will give it you tomorrow" Monday morning came and I asked for her lunch money for the week but he only gave me £5 ($2.50) he eventually gave me the balance on the Wednesday after a lot more asking or as he puts it 'nagging'!

She needs a new school jumper, the sleeves on the two she has are so short they look like she has them rolled up to her elbows because she is growing so fast, she could do with a decent pair of winter boots too, she is wearing an old pair of mine (two sizes too big but with thick socks they will do) at the moment.
I missed a decent pair at the local 'Age Concern' charity shop last week because my child benefit went into the wrong account and got swallowed up by the overdraft so I was stuck for money, I tried to request it back as it was CHILD benefit, but the bank said "no chance" so now I am down by £78 (approx $37) and I receive nothing until a week this coming Wednesday.

I know, I know, winge, winge, moan, moan! But I'm just sick to death of it all. I wouldn't be in such a mess with the bank if I hadn't agreed to have his wages paid into my account and for me to pay the bills and sort the budget for us.
Which, would have, or should have, been a good thing as I am very, very good at budgeting but unfortnately he then started demanding my cash card as his wages were going in and he needed money to get to work etc. but he would always draw out more than he put in so I then couldn't budget, things stopped being paid on time and I started to struggle, there was not much left of my benefit and eventually the overdraft was horrendous and the rows started really bad. Then... surprise...surprise... his firm kept 'accidentally' paying his wages into his savings account each month instead of my account and I couldn't pay anything at all!!!!!!
The bank charges got worse and worse, he kept telling me he would clear it all up and pay me back and now I'm in severe debt too!

Mum wrote him a nice letter requesting the £1200 he borrowed about a year ago and he wrote a nice letter back promising to start paying her back in instalments starting two weeks ago, guess what?..... he hasn't paid her a penny!!!!


Oh well, guess it serves us right for being so bloody stupid!!!

I'll try and post again soon.

Hope you are all having a better time than we are.

Love Azzy.
XX

BIG THANK YOU TO SANDY!!!

This post is for Sandy from Little'Un.
Just to say a great big THANK YOU for the lovely card and stickers.

We received them this morning (Tuesday 30th December).
Little'Un LOVES the stickers and loved the fact that the card was also from all your dogs and cats.
Going to pop over to your blog now so Little'Un can look at the photos of all your animal family.

Best wishes for the New Year.

Love and great big hugs.

Azzy and Little'Un
XXX

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Not been able to get on here due to no phone/broadband connection, I have to wait until Neeza leaves his laptop hanging about. He is in the pub at the mo, you know, his second home. (Actually it's his first! This is his second, he only comes back here to eat and sleep).

Sandi, Thanks for your concern. Me and Little'Un will be just fine, I think it will be for the best for everyone. Max is stopping here as Neeza has begged me not to take him.
Well, he had better look after him and take him for his walks!

Neeza finally realised it was Christmas on Christmas Eve and gave me £50 (approx $25) to buy presents (I had told him weeks ago that my bank had put a stop on my card due to his borrowing and never paying back I haven't been able to draw out more than £10 (approx $5) per week in the run up to Christmas and that went on essentials and Little'Uns school lunch money. Not even been able to send out any greetings cards this year)
Anyway, the present Little'Un picked was 'two for the price of one' Nintendo games for her DS, but as it was Christmas Eve, they had all sold out! She did manage to buy a game though but just the one due to it being full price, the remainder of the money (not very much, those games are expensive!), she and I both agreed would be kept for necessities as we doubted we would be getting any more off him. (We were right!).

He then went on to spoil Boxing Day by ringing me, it started off OK with him telling me he missed us but it soon turned into him accusing me of having an affair and shouting at me to be honest, tell the truth and admit it!
He has been asking me on and off for the whole twelve years we have been married, he has even quizzed Little'Un on many occasion, asking her what Mummys boyfriend is called!
Guess he didn't believe we were at Grandma's for Christmas either!
I ended up crying and Little'Un cried because Dad had made Mum cry.

We ended up having a FANTASTIC Christmas though, read on.......

We stayed over at Lil'Sis flat Christmas Eve, then at Grandmas for Christmas, back to Lil'Sis for Boxing Day, Grandmas for Saturday then HAD to go home Sunday. We had a fantastic time over Christmas, I made a great big Christmas dinner for everyone (bought for by Grandma and shopped for by Lil'Sis) and of course, we all ate too much. Lil'Sis did a lovely buffet for everyone at hers the following day and on the Saturday Big Bruv and Sis'in'Law called with boxes of food and presents and Sis'in'Law did all the cooking, a lovely steak in gravy meal with loads of wine and lots of goodies to follow YUM!.

But the very bestest, bestest of all was what me and Little'Un got from Sis'in'Law and Big Bruv -
Dan....dan......darrrrrrr........

WE GOT A Wii !!!!!

Little'Un had been asking can we save for one and I had promised I would try my hardest but she knew there would been no chance this year or even next so she was over the moon, over the stars, over everything, whooping, giggling, kissing, grinning from ear to ear, etc., etc., and has been the same ever since.
I couldn't believe what we had got and burst into tears as soon as I opened the wrapping.

Sis'in'Law and Big Bruv....... THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!
You have made one little girl and her Mum very, very happy at this not very nice time.

I hope everyone has had a fantastic Christmas too and wish you all....
A Happy, Healthy and Prosperous 2009.

Loads of Love
Azzy
XXX

I'M GOING!!!

Sorry not kept up with my blog, had phone cut off again, it still is but I'm using his laptop while he is out.

I'M LEAVING HIM!!!!!!

Been to our local council offices to try to sort out rented accomodation for me and Little'Un, just waiting to see if they can help with a deposit/bond then I can look for a flat or a little house for us. It's going to be very hard as I am in dire straits at the bank and only receive incapacity and child care benefits but we will get by, it can't be any worse then stopping here.

Little'Un has been quite poorly recently, I'm not sure if it is a tummy bug or if it has anything to do with the situation between me and her Dad. This past weekend she did a lot of crying and asked could we please leave as soon as possible. She has asked to still be able to visit her Dad and I have said of course she can.

Well folks, hopefully I will be able to keep up with my blog from the library or I might even ask if I can take the computer seeing as he has his laptop.

Me and Little'Un are going to Grandma's for Christmas Dinner as I can't afford to buy turkey and all the trimmings this year and even if I could, the cooker broke about ten months ago!

Will blog again when I can.

Love Azzy and Little'Un
XXX

MAKE YOUR OWN MAGAZINE COVERS (SEE MY SIDEBAR)!!!

Hi there folks,

Lookie what Michelle Dawn of http://halet1073.blogspot.com/ discovered.
Needless to say, I have pinched the idea!!!

First one is of me and Lil'Sis.
I just love this picture, we look like negatives of each other, me dark haired wearing white against light background, her blonde haired wearing black against dark background, me with drink in left hand holding straw with right, hers in her right holding straw with left!!!
We have always said we are like a pair of bookends!
Amazing thing is, the picture was not a set up or taken deliberate to look that way!

Scroll down to see what other mag covers I have done. He, he.

Have a go, just click on the MagMyPic link and follow the instructions.

I LOVE IT!!!!!

Azzy
X

LITTLE'UN HAS A CONCERT!

Hi there folks,

Quick blog.

Just had news that Little'Un's choir group are giving a concert on November 28th at the Baptist Church in Oldham, they have said it will be good practice before the big Christmas concert at the Queen Elizabeth Hall, Oldham in December.

Little'Un is dead excited about it all.

..............................

......................................................................

THE CHOIR!

Well, Little'Un went to her first training and rehearsals last evening.

SHE LOVES IT!!!!!


She discovered there are two other girls from her school (the next year up from her) who are also members so she felt a lot better knowing someone there.
One of their Mums gave us a lift home and said she will take us and bring us home every week thereby saving money for buses and the panic due to the bus taking at least half an hour to get all the way up to Oldham followed by mad dash running through the town centre to where we need to be!
Of course I will offer to pay towards the petrol and if she refuses I will get her some chockies or something as a thankyou.

When I arrived back to pick her up I thoroughly enjoyed listening to all the children in all the different studios singing and playing instruments, I could only hear when they opened the doors so only got snatches of it all but it was lovely. I'm looking forward to taking her every Wednesday and she can't wait either, she hasn't shut up about it since we got home. We are off to Grandma's this afternoon so she can tell her all about it.

She is now talking about if she practices hard and becomes good enough, can she go in for the 'X Factor' when she is fourteen?

YOU BETCHA!!!!!



Azzy
XX

LITTLE'UN MAKES ME SO PROUD AGAIN!

She has done it again, I'm proud as punch!


First she won the school singing competition and received a certificate and prize (I did a post previously about it) and now one of her teachers has put her name forward for Oldham Girl's Choir. Seems you can't get into this choir unless you are nominated!

Reading all the paperwork that came with the acceptance form, it says they get the full
voice/breathing training, they learn all the varoius singing techniques (the full monty!) they get to travel all over the place, regionally, nationally and internationally, they have previously done radio and television appearances and have released tapes and CD's.

At first, after reading all about the term and uniform fees I explained I couldn't afford to pay for it but when I saw the disappointment and tears I knew I had to find the money, we both ended up crying.


Then...............
"NO I won't have this you ARE going!!
We'll manage it somehow! This is your future"
Hugs, kisses and tears of joy!

She starts her first training/rehearsals next Wednesday and is sooooo excited! (actually I am too!)
Don't know how.,,,,,,, BUT I WILL AFFORD IT!!!!!

I will keep you all informed of how she gets on.

Azzy
X

THE SLEEPOVER!

Well, Little'Un got home mid afternoon from her first ever sleepover.

At first I was a little bothered that she looked very red in the face until she explained they had been on her friends trampoline all morning since just after breakfast!


She then proceeded to tell me what a fantastic time she had had there.
"We stayed up dead late, I got to pick what DVD we watched, we played on the Nintendo Wii and they have a Karaoke machine so we all sang songs"
"Guess what I had for my supper?"
"What did you have?"
"Anything and everything I wanted!"
"And what was that?"
"Pizza, crisps (chips in USA), biscuits (cookies), chocolates and sweets (candy)!"

"Well, it was your Birthday so I don't mind just this once"
"When my friend is better can we have a sleepover at our house?"
"Of course you can so long as they let us borrow the Wii and the Karaoke 'coz I want to have a go too. But we won't bother about borrowing the trampoline, OK?!! He, he.!"

Later that afternoon, my neighbours little lad came and played with Little'Un for a few hours and we had the same trouble getting him to go home again!

What a lovely weekend!

Azzy
X

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETHEART!!!!

Little'Un was nine yesterday. (Saturday)
Oh, to have the excitement of a Birthday like a nine year old!

I did her a small party for some school friends, just four of them originally but two of them couldn't make it, so we invited some local kids she plays with and we ended up with a total of seven so it turned out pretty good.

I had decorated the food table with fairy lights and there were lights, banners and balloons all over the place but with the bright sun (yes, it was actually sunny!), they couldn't be seen properly so I blacked out the windows with refuse bags.

They all got stuck into the little buffet, just various sandwiches, crisps, cocktail sausages, scotch eggs, bickies, chockies, and of course the 'High School Musical' birthday cake and then we played a few games.
I think the one they liked best due to all the laughing and screaming, was the one with me jumping out at them from various hiding places then chasing them all around the house trying to tickle them. The noise was amazing!
Then we put on some CD's and had a sing-song and a boogie, didn't do too bad saying I have a dickie knee and I'm a bit of an old fart! Gave them all a good laugh and I actually enjoyed myself.


We were going to have a sleepover but one of the girls has 'croup' so I said it would probably be best for her to stay home to sleep, just in case she had a coughing fit during the night. I could have coped with it, but knowing how kids are when they are poorly I expect she would have only wanted her Mum. Anyway, her Mum took over at this point and said for the girls to have their sleepover at her house. All the smiles returned, especially when she promised to spoil them rotten...and she will!

My next door neighbours boy, the youngest at the party, he's only four, was the last to leave, the girls had already left for their sleepover by this time but he kept hugging me and asking to stay longer (he's the one from a previous post I did, there is a picture of him with Little'Un from when I took them to a little local fair and they had their faces painted), his Mum almost had to drag him home so I guess by that reaction, the party must have been a success.

Can't wait until Little'Un comes home sometime today to hear all about it.

All in all it was a really good day.

Until next time.
Azzy.
XX

THE CREDIT CRUNCH KILLER!!!

This 'Credit Crunch' wotchamacallit is killing us!

I keep hoping something good is going to happen sometime (it's GOT to at some point!).

Latest problem is Hubs work is making redundancies and Hubs is in the firing line along with quite a few others!!!!!

We have been struggling so much this year already, this will just tip us over the edge!

I'm trying to see it as hopefully, a new beginning as things can only go up when you are at rock bottom can't they?
FINGERS CROSSED (and toes, and eyes and anything else I can cross!)

Hope everyone else out there are fairing a little better than us in these hard times.

Well folks, next post will be a bit brighter I promise!

Love Azzy
X

WHOOOOHOOOO!!!!!

Hi folks.

No idea what had happened but it seems I'm up and running again.

Totally lost my blog for about seven hours today, could get to my dashboard, receive comments, post, but could not see my or anyone elses blogs??????

I guess Blogger had a hand in the return of my blog and I would therefore like to say a big

THANK YOU BLOGGER!!!!!

Azzy
XX

STILL NO BLOG????

Hi, I can receive your comments and publish them and I it seems I can publish posts like this one but when I try to view my blog it refreshes to 'ASK' search engine or my AOL homepage??????
I have asked for help on the blogger help group and just hope something can be sorted, other than that, I cannot see my or any of your blogs!!!!

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

HELP! MY BLOG HAS DISAPPEARED!!!

Can anyone find my blog?

It seems to have disappeared and I am also unable to visit anyone else.

Don't know if this will be posted, don't know how I got to be able to do this without being able to get into my blog?????

What??????

Azzy

GUESS WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING TODAY?

I can't believe I had written so many posts without my signature smiley bits!!!

I have gone through a lot of my previous posts and done them now, phew, that feels better, I knew something had been missing but couldn't put my finger on it.

All's well and back to normal now (well, as normal as I can get, which isn't very much!).

Azzy
X

I'M BEING FOLLOWED!!!

OOOOH!!!...................... Hello to my very first follower -

Michelle Dawn from Rusin Roundup - http://Kasper794.blogspot.com/

I haven't quite figured out this following thing yet, only just spotted today that I have one so I need to read up on what you do.

Does it tell you if the blog you are following adds a new post? If so, Hello again!
Got to get me some of this! He, he.

Azzy
X
Back again. Yep, it shows everyone's newest posts that you are following. Hey, it's good this!

POORLY SICK

Hello everyone,


Phew, I'm totally drained, wiped out and dead on my feet!

Don't know what I caught or where I caught it but I've been bedridden for this past week.
I've got what I can only think must be 'Flu'.

At first I just thought it was an everyday cold when I started sneezing last Monday morning until it hit me like a ton of bricks real bad about Monday afternoon. WHAM!!!

Since then I have had a permanent headache (bang, bang,throb, throb) every waking moment.
Plus, I have been extremely ill gastrically too!

If there is someone up there, the guy really has had it in for me this week! Sheeeesh!

Getting a bit sick of my blog of late, it seems to be more of a wingefest! Think it's about time something good happened, don't you?

Then again, there is one good thing that has come out of all this, I have lost another half a stone in weight!! Not bad in six days eh?
I would at this point normally be shouting 'Whoopee!' but I don't even have the strength to do that so you will all have to just imagine that's what I've done!

I promise I will do a more positive post next time, hopefully back to my usual insaney self, think I may have a scout round for a meme I can do. Until then.......Achooooooooo!

Azzy
X

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?

I have a bit of a dilemma.

I had been to the Docs for my steroid injection in my knee just after returning from Somerset and was told to take complete rest for two to three days so was unable to walk Max due to this.
By the third day, I decided I felt OK enough and thought I could manage to walk him, we went out but I ended up actually crying with pain in the street (bit embarrassing, people were staring at me).
He is an extremely strong dog and pulls and drags a lot, he has pulled Neeza over totally (all six foot four and fifteen stone of him) before now.
I was then back to square one having to rest again for a few days.
I can't keep doing this or the injections will be a total waste of time! They are supposed to stop the pain and it should last a few months!
After I told Hubs I now couldn't cope with Max, he said he would take over and take him out every day after work and during the day at weekends, poor Max has only been taken out twice in the five days since!

Max is the type of dog that requires lots of exercise and I feel cruel having to keep him in, I know he has the run of the house and back garden but I don't think that is enough for him, he is always crying at the front door to go out for a walk.
I am sorry to say now, that I am regretting even getting him, yes I love him, but it isn't fair for him to be cooped up like this due to my circumstances nor is it fair on me to have to stay in all day, every day!
Plus... since I returned from Somerset and Hubs had told me how good Max was on the times he HAD been left on his own (I can only accept what Hubs tells me) we went out for lunch over the weekend, the first time in about seven or eight months that we have actually been out together as a family! First time I had been out of the house without Max (apart from Somerset!) since we got him in February!
When we got back, he had destroyed my new sandals and toothbrush that I had in a bag in the lounge, he had disembowelled a stuffed toy he found in Little'Uns room and eaten the inside of a pair of Hubs shoes, all the bits from everything were scattered across the carpets from the bedroom, down the stairs and all over the lounge.
Hubs then admitted Max had broken one of my ornaments (actually, smashed it to pieces!) and destroyed more of Little'Uns toys while we were away.


Last night I hobbled as fast as I could to the chip shop to get something for tea (five minutes round trip!) but he had wrecked again by the time I had got back!
How on earth do I manage to take Little'Un to and from school twice a day when she returns to school in two weeks without taking Max yet not having him wreck my house and/or contents??

Max doesn't listen! I show him what he has done and tell him off (at this point I must admit I hit him on the bum with my chewed sandal I was that annoyed and upset) but he must be totally thick! He cowered and his ears went down but within fifteen minutes, WHILE I WAS ACTUALLY SAT THERE! He went and got the exact same pair from near the bin, and blatantly sat chewing and ripping them to shreads, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!! Then again Hubs doesn't help, when I scold Max over anything he does wrong, Hubs gives him cuddles and tells him he is good!!!!! How do I get out of that! I'm fighting a losing battle here!
I can't sit in 24 hours a day seven days a week for the next ten years or so!

I had promised Little'Un a day trip as a well done for winning the singing contest at school but, unless Hubs has a day off to look after Max, we can't go!
He is past the teething stage so it must just be boredom!

I can't understand? I have had dogs all my life and have been able to train each of them (is it because he is a dog dog? I've only had bitches before). Max just doesn't seem to learn, I've been trying to train him since we got him in February! I thought he was doing quite well but he seems to be deteriorating with his learning since I returned from Somerset. I praise him like mad and give him treats when he has been good and shout at him and show him what he has done wrong when he has been bad but he just can't seem to grasp the difference in why he is being praised or why he is being told off! I think I have just got myself an utterly STUPID dog! Then again it could be an utterly STUPID husband!

I feel trapped! I can't leave the house!


I have tried the 'leaving the house for a few minutes then returning to show I will come back' trick, extending the period of time bit by bit, he used to howl like a wolf and was pleased to see me when I came back in, then I thought once he stopped the howling, I had cracked it!
Unfortunately it seems to have progressed the wrong way now from howling, to being nice and quiet but wrecking within minutes of me going through the door no matter how short or long a time I am out!!!!
At this moment in time I just want to take him back to the dogs home!

I guess I will give him another chance or two and just hope he starts to change and understand. But, I can't give him too many chances, I can't afford to replace any of the things he wrecks!
I'll keep you updated with my decision and how things are going with him.

Any suggestions, training techniques or anything whatsoever would be greatly apprecieated.

Azzy